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Tom Smith
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You Never Call Me by My Real Name
ANGELA George?
WAFFLE Angela! Don't call me that!
ANGELA It's your name, silly.
WAFFLE Not when I'm in uniform.
ANGELA It's not a uniform, it's a costume.
WAFFLE Uniform.
ANGELA George...
WAFFLE You never call me by my real name.
ANGELA What? I use it twenty times a day.
WAFFLE No! You call me 'George'!
ANGELA Well, that's what you're called.
WAFFLE But it isn't what you should say.
ANGELA Well, I'm not going to call you 'The Waffle', It's a silly name for fighting crimes. It won't terrorize the unlawful, And 'awful' is the only other word-that-rhymes.
WAFFLE I know it's not dramatic, I might've been mistaken, But all the really nifty superhero names were taken, I'm quick and fortitudinous, I think it's worth a shot,
ANGELA You're impulsive and you're ludicrous!
WAFFLE So I'll work with what I've got!
ANGELA It's so hard sometimes, 'cause I do respect Find more lyrics at ※ Mojim.com And even understand this drive. And it isn't fair of me to object, But I hope you'll get out of it alive.
You're a gentle, kind, and funny lout, And I want to share your life, But I dread that the headlines will one day shout, 'Waffle cut in restaurant by a knife'.
WAFFLE You've been saving that one up, haven't you?
ANGELA Variations leap to mind all too easily. But, I'll hang on to 'em for a day or two. After you're back from Britain.
WAFFLE Britain? What's going on in --
ANGELA It's all over the news. Something's happened to the Hero League. You may be the last hero on Earth.
WAFFLE My god, I've got to help them.
ANGELA Which is why you're the last hero on Earth.
WAFFLE You stay safe till I get back, huh?
ANGELA Just be sure you get back.
GEORGE Love you, Angela.
ANGELA Love you, George.
It's a stupid name, but it fits so well, For you never knew what you could be, But when you're in costume, your uncertain shell Fades away, and a hero's all I see.
You don't want big money, you don't want fame, You just want to help humanity, And so, even though I don't like that name... It's yours. Bring it home to me.
DR. MALLEVO People of earth: Fear us! Your heroes are gone forever! Either turn the world over to us, or we will wreak a devastation beyond your most frightened imaginings!
NEWSCASTER ... surrounding Wimbledon, where the villains are headquartered. The energy shield was lowered briefly to allow them to fire a weapon, which transformed a division of tanks into styrofoam, and a team of military sharpshooters into toddlers wearing soft pastel jammies with footies. The standstill continues, with reports that someone was sneaking into Wimbledon while the shield was down...
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